This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
