all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
