just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
