The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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