Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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