I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
