Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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