so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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