I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
