now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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