hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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