saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
