i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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