Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
