You're my little dorito
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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