i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
