I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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