so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
