it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
