He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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