It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
