I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
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the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
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