I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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