Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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