I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
