Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
