I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
