Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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