Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
