So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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