Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
