this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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