He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
