plz talk dirty to me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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