the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
