Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
