we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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