adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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