we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
