if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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