I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
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The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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