Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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