Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
