and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
