Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
