i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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