OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
