Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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