I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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