Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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