i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
