we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
