Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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