I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
