i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
