i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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