The maid of honor just puked.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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