We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
