This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
