Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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