I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
