I want to have your abortion
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
