I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
