I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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