wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
