we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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