Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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