Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
