I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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