i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
did i just pee glitter
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
