Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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