you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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