benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
